i'm home for less than 24 hours and had fought with my mother, again. i know i am rude, especially when i talk to her, but i just can't help it. that feeling of resentment and anger just explode everytime i talk to her.

she expect me to know everything and have time to do everything. like the income tax form. how am i suppose to know what to do with it?i've never fill any income tax form before in my life so how am i suppose to know?she expect me to know everything because i'm a uni student. i felt so pressured. all my relatives expect me to know everything. its so annoying.

when i ask her to ask my brother, she just change the topic and make it sound like i don't want to help her and that she will ask her frens.....like if my brother doesn't know then it is ok. but if i don't it is because i am selfish and i don't want to lend a hand. do u see the difference of perception here??

i am so angry. so so angry. the way she talks just annoys me. she always make herself sound like a helpless victim and i am the devil in the house. so so tired of this.

she never thought deeply why i seldom came home now. i rather stay alone in the hostel with nothing to do. she just thought i am hiding there because i don't want to help her. No mom, it is much more compicated than that. i remember every single word you said and i find it very hard to not think about all the hurtful things that you said to me.

i came back to study at home. not to have another pointless argument with you. home is the place i felt the most stress.

guess what times is it. its almost 7a.m....
well well before u start thinking what am i doing here waking up so early and it isn't me, u're wrong. i did not slept the entire night. i took a nap at about 6p.m and woke up shortly before 9p.m. and i have difficulty initiating sleep after that. so what can a girl do when she can't sleep?
i sent a couple of messages....if u receive sms at odd hours, u know what i'm doing:P

i am so hungry and am so tired as well. in an hour's time i have french class and at 10.10a.m i have a mock interview.....hopefully i dun doze off.

man, i am s hungry. my stomach has been screaming for a few hours now but i refuse to eat. its mid morning k.....so its unhealthy to eat. but my stomach acid is puncturing my guts...ouch!

wow, can hear the birds chirping....i think i can see sun rising from the horizon....

my journal, my lab book, is a mess....it is much more complicated than i thought....sigh......so have no idea how to do it

but i really wanna finish them before thursday, so i can go home earlier, rest throughly for a couple of days before studying. i kenot get bad grades this sem....i just can't

i've been feeling weird recently. my fren is now being friendly with a guy from my class. and i'm not really sharing her happiness.....mayb i am jealous?i sincerely felt tat she totally deserve a better guy than tat guy who is currently pursuing her.

well, its non of my business. wahtever makes her happy is good enuf.
tomoro i will be having another dinner.going for a makeover session before tat......
tat's all i guess....a post for a rainy day

the sky is dark
an impending doom thunders nearby
strong winds are rushing, impatient
the birds have gone to rest
the single leaf on the dry oak tree
hanging strong, but will weaken

i felt so neglected

seems like being a bitch is the way to go nowadays......but being a bitch comes with a price......and not everyone can be a bitch....

yesterday went out with my aunts.about tea time at 3p.m....as usual when they ordered food, i dunno y they would just randomly ordered a few plates of everything...they wont count who wanna eat or wat's not....they would just order.....and in my heart i was thinking...."i'll be forced to finish all teh food again" and i was right!

they called
char kuey teow x2,
laksa x2,
ais kacang x2,
jawa mee x2,
chai kuey x10
rojak x1
and another "ying liao"...........there were only 6 person.....and i noe my old aunts wont eat so much...the most they would eat is like 2 spoonfuls.....

so i ended up eating charkuey teow x1, jawa mee x1, chai kuey x1, a bit of rojak and a bit of the "ying liao"
and tat is a lot dee....
later in the evening, at about 7.30p.m went out with ah wei and charmaine to chow down some more pasembur....sheesh....

going back to uni today....

going to the kung fu dinner on saturady night
den will be going for the world beach clean up day on sunday....cleaning up beach......i've been wanting to do tat for some time...hahaa....i noe i'm weird..."mulia" as some says...muahahaha

i bought a "formal" shirt on friday in less than 20 minutes...tat was fast!i really just grab, tried, and paid....altho i dun really like it...but desperate times call for desperate measures......

den today hopefully can get some shoes before going back to uni....i have test on tuesday and i haven't studied for it!

my stupid X crush...i was having this realy amusing conversation with him.....mayb it was the distance between us, both emotionally, physically and status...wel he is having a hell of a good time in CA while i have to toil in some local public uni.....

he sounded disappointed when i told him i am not currently seeing/interested in anyone.....and ask me to go all out and be a bitch to get their attention....

will post our conversation here later...

he is pissing me off